Nine hundred and ninety-nine.

“Far too many people are looking for the right person, instead

of trying to be the right person.” – Gloria Steinem

Indeed, that is very true - more than you realise it to be.

Assalamualaikum. Here we are nine hundred and ninety-nine days later. I do not even want to talk about the pandemic right now. Life has been crazy and rough but thankfully, it is people like him that makes it bearable and in fact, happy. I think I talk about how life being crazy and rough all the time. I came home from work thinking of how he would look like at home - a sight that is too familiar. How he would do his things. How he would smell - a scent that is my favourite, a mixture of sun + perfume + natural skin smell. I pretty much know his routine. All these and we are not even staying together, yet.

I do not even know where to start about this boy right here. He is definitely an angel in disguise, thank you, Ya Allah. Every time I think about him, I cannot help but smile. It really is crazy how he takes care of me so well, even when he is beyond exhausted. He has this tendency to show like he is some cold man, when in actually, he is not. His heart is so huge, the world is not ready for it. He will not think twice to offer help. It could be me, my family, or even strangers.

I adore so much as to how he takes care of his Heaven, his mother. My grandma and mother have always taught us the importance of a son to take care of his mother. That’s his responsibility given by God. My grandma would also remind me that, a good man is one who takes care of his mother. F.H is such of a man. My heart explodes with happiness and love every time I see him and his mother. Reminds me of my own baby brother with my mother.

11 months ago, something major happened to her. It was really bad. That was the first time I saw him cry. My heart was so crushed, I felt helpless. I wanted to take that pain away from him. I could not. I could only pray to God. It’s hard to break him - he built a shell so strong, a meteor would not hurt him, but not when it is his mother. She is an angel. She is so patient, kind, funny and all around loving. The things she does for her family and especially her favourite baby boy is just so selfless. Now it makes sense, he learnt that from her. Alhamdulillah however, everything’s much better. She’s a fighter. The family’s better. I see him talking about it and his eyes lights up, although he tries to hide it and pretend as if it’s something normal. All he wants is for his mother to be happy - and Alhamdulillah she is today. I know he constantly worries about her, especially when he has work to attend to. I try my best to help him in whatever ways I can.

I feel like I have overused the word thank you with him. No amount of thank yous can ever repay for whatever he has done for me. Everyday I thank Allah for blessing me and gifting me with this angel. He pulled me out of the rut without forcing me out. He was constantly there throughout the trials and tribulations life has given me. I only pray that he remains the constant till I close my eyes and I pray that we meet back in heaven, InsyaAllah. Aamiin. 

It is not like we do not have our bad days; we do. So many times he would get annoyed and even mad at my tardiness, my forgetfulness and when I am just very annoying to him. There are days where I would want to strangle him for being stubborn and so much more. However, I have learnt to not be so fixed on the bad and forget everything that has been good. You fix the bad at your own pace, at your own time. Speaking of pace, not once has he pressured me into doing anything I do not like - just as how he would want me to be towards him. He is someone who leads by example and I really appreciate that so much. 

You see, I do not necessarily have the best male role model in life. I do not know how it feels like to be doted on by a father. Someone who would protect you when teach you about life and so on. My mother did that for my siblings and I. I am thankful to have such a strong mother. She is the reason I am who I am today - the good parts. F.H taught me how it feels like to be doted on, loved and protected by a responsible man. I will not lie that till today, after over two years, I still feel awkward and shy at times whenever he does it to me. Even to the littlest things like, preparing dinner for us after a long day from work. I am reminded of how great God’s blessings are through him. 

Thank you for accepting me for me. Thank you for cherishing me. Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you prioritising my happiness every time. Thank you for dotting on me. Thank you for making me feel special and loved all the time, even on our bad days. Thank you for being strong, it influences me to be strong too. Thank you for reminding me of God. Thank you always going the extra lengths for me. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for choosing me. I pray and hope that I bring the same amount of happiness to you, if not a little bit. I cannot wait to see you soon. Someone’s turning a year older in less than a week. ❤️

Shasha Kay.